Visitors since 8th August 1994

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• What's new in the World of Dickism. The Newcastle (NSW Australia) diocese of the Church of the Holy Dick get a large erection. New novelty toys on the propaganda front.
• Exclusive Shot: Dick visits Baby Jesus. A rare photograph of that rather insigificant event which has caused so many people to stray from the true path of daily inebriation.
• Eye Witness Account: Imploding genitals. An old rat molester from Mesopotamia tells an interesting story of genital deformation on the way to the crucifiction.
• Sports Section. All the news on what's happening in the wide world of (anything remotely related to religion -- or else we'll make it up) sports.
• Kickback. Authentic Reader Mail! Get stuck into us while you can cos' only Dick knows how long we're going to be here before we get booted.
• About Dickism. Some background history concerning the origins and beliefs of Dickism and the Church of the Holy Dick.
• Commandments The Ten Commandments according to Dick. Wise guidelines by which to base your faith on.
• About Dick. If you're interested in learning what the Reverend is really like then you're more frustrated and perverted than you realise.
• Links. If you still hold the belief that Reverend Dick is not completely psychotic and may simply be misunderstood then you may wish to check out some of his recommended haunts.
• Search Engines. Use our recommended search engines from this WWW page to peruse the InterNet.
• Credits. A few words about the creation of Reverend Dick's Online Mass WWW page and a shameless plea for help.

This section of the out-house took 3 years to complete at a cost of $A123mill, 252,000 hand-made ceramic bricks, 3,467 light globes and 1 roll of toilet paper. The actual building only cost $A19mill but it cost the church another $A104mill to get the sky tinted just right. Further plans are afoot for a fundraiser to gather enough revenue to have the moon moved a bit to the left.

The latest thing to be sweeping the Vatican Toy Store this Christmas will be the appearance of the "Sacred Heart Troll". Characterised by its flaming yellow crown of furry hair, the Sacred Heart Troll is set to adourn toy boxes and rear vision mirrors alike. The dolls retail for $12.95 each and are available wherever people are willing to be patronised by useless religious trinkets and obnoxious pious propaganda.

This rare photograph (taken around 0 BC) shows a young Reverend Dick (in red skivvy) visiting the baby Jesus. During this time the Reverend belonged to the famous "Order of the Ram". It was compulsory for all members to wear a sheep's head on their right arm at all times.

For taunting the infant the Reverend recieves a "thick ear" from Joseph. It is said that Joseph had been irritable after a drunken night at a local tavern. The Reverend tells us that Joseph became extremely depressed when he discovered that his drinking buddies were not as willing to accept Mary's famous "Arc-angel Gabriel story" as he so obviously was. He was even more irritated by the fact that some other bastard had managed to get into his wife's pants while he had failed miserably.

Joseph was obviously a greatly disturbed man by this time. Also evident in this photograph is yet another mystery of the universe-- why did Joseph feel compelled to wrap barbed wire around his family's heads at odd times of the evening?

Methias Solta (a 72 year old retired rat fleecer from Carchemish) tells of a little known incident that occured while Jesus was lugging his lump of wood up the hill.

"It was incredible", recounts Methias, "he weren't doin' too badly an' all til' he started that first stumblin' bit, you know? I secretly think that this was just a bit of a put-on for the ladies... you wiv' me? Later, he got this glazed look on 'is face all of a sudden like... then it 'appened- his groin imploded! It's got me buggered how he did it. Pity no-one really noticed but me... it was a great trick!"

In a recent "do-or-die" game of baseball, fast-ball pitcher Jesus H. Christ lost his cool with the opposing team's batter Beal Z Bub. After taunting the messiah-like speed pitcher for wearing what appeared to be a dress, the so-called son of God threatened the batsman with eternal damnation. Bub continued to harangue the pitcher until fingers of damnation were raised.

Marge M. Alacoque (on third base) pleaded with the divine presence to ignore the taunts and continue with the game in progress. Jesus' man on first base, Frank Assisi, also begged for play to continue. It was at this point when the field (and Frank Assisi) was overrun by a visiting rogue cherub cheerleader squad and the game had to be cancelled.

Both teams were said to be dissappointed by the turn of events and are looking forward to an apocolyptic re-match to decide the fate of all mankind's eternal souls sometime in the near future.

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